I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I’ve been overwhelmed to the extent that my usual motivation to write was actually pulled under by my thoughts and emotions, or muted by my avoidance of them.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been in a relationship limbo for two years, doing my best to follow God’s lead during this waiting period, hoping for reconciliation. Recently a couple of conversations threw me for a loop and I seriously considered walking away entirely. Yet in prayer, the Lord impressed upon me to stay the course. Thankfully some progress has been made and things are looking up. Overall I’ve kept praying that my decisions are informed by the Spirit and not yanked around by my feelings, but it’s not easy.
On that note: At church this morning, the topic was about being emotionally driven versus living Spirit-led in our attitudes and decisions. Thinking back, my life used to be driven by emotions, but not my own (with the exception of fear)! My reaction to the drama around me was to try and make things better, and if that didn’t work, I’d shut down. It may have seemed to others that I kept a cool head even in stressful situations, when in reality I was avoiding and compartmentalizing. Yet this coping mechanism came with a price: I missed out on some joys along with the negative stuff from which I protected myself. I still put things “in boxes”, but now at least they’re much more colorful containers!
Walking With God
Of course, God created me and emotions. In my walk with Him He has been helping me be present and engaged with others, to thoughtfully respond instead of react, and generally experience life on a deeper level as I work through all these often unwieldy feelings. For me, it has become all the more important to “keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25).
Here’s a poem I wrote about walking with the Lord through my struggles:
Even now, I know You’ll lead me,
where You call me, I will go.
At peace, though the future’s hazy,
it’s an opportunity to grow.
Struggling against myself
yet fully resting in Your love;
Scripture hidden in my heart
keeps my thoughts above.
Thank You for provision
beyond anything I’d dream,
and strength that exceeds the limits
of my earthly self-esteem.
Digging deeper, more intentional
about my faith and walk;
Rewriting in permanent ink
what used to be marked in chalk.
Leaving the old me behind
as daily I seek Your face,
I press onward with great hope
ever growing in Your grace.
So what does keeping in step with the Spirit look like? For an overview, please see my older post about TRANSFORMATION! In a nutshell: Trust God, learn more about Him by spending time with Him in prayer and reading His Word, and share the hope you find with others! Do that, and you’ll go from coping to thriving!
Overall, I mainly strive to sustain a sense of peace in my life by abiding in Christ. In part, the peace of God (which goes beyond mere emotion or understanding) reassures me that I’m on track with Him. Also, keeping in step for me means making everything I do a form of worship (Romans 12:1), and filling every moment with praise for all the good He has blessed me with in my life!
Stay tuned for more about the peace of God, especially in relation to decision-making!
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
Blessings to you, this day and always!
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